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The Vow

Over a month ago, I was requested to write about a widowed friend. This is a story about how one commitment can last beyond a lifetime...
“Pag laki natin, tayo pa rin ha?” This is the first vow Marvin Monteagudo and Cynthia Suazo took in Grade One. They grew up, and after finishing college, Marvin and Chat honored their childhood pact.

To have and to hold
The vow was made official in 1990. Marvin then had a regular office job at a huge corporation, while Chat’s job as a broadcast producer took her away from home often.

Yet Chat and Marvin were not unlike any other couple with big dreams for their family. They were blessed with a son, Gio. They built a home in 1992. Chat moved to a new job and got her first car. Then the fights began. Marvin resented being at the mercy of her unpredictable schedule. But despite the growing tension between them, they were blessed with two girls, Gianna and Jari.

When Marvin became an IT Manager at a shipping and forwarding company, the job gave him a new car, took him to regional hubs abroad. He had a brand new status. Chat, meanwhile was lured back to the advertising firm she once worked for and earned a promotion. The children attended exclusive schools and wore expensive clothes. They family had a new lifestyle.
By then they realized that the more they had, the less they saw of each other. By 1999, Chat and Marvin had decided to live separate lives. Yet the children, who had gotten so used to their parents’ absence, had no inkling of what was going on.

In sickness and in health
A year later, Chat arrived home to find Marvin in bed, in tears. He embraced her and said, “I’m sick, very, very sick.” He had collapsed at work the day before. A colonoscopy revealed a huge tumor in his colon. A biopsy of the mass told them he had Stage 3 cancer.

Chat decided to become a wife again. She asked for a lighter workload, drove him to chemo sessions and nursed Marvin day and night. The hardest part was maintaining a façade for the children. Marvin did not want the kids to see him in his helpless state. His biggest fear was depriving them of the comforts they were accustomed to.

By 2001, Marvin’s cancer had metastasized to his lungs and other organs. After he was taken to the hospital, the children were finally allowed to visit their sick father. One afternoon Marvin slipped into a coma, and passed away the next day.
Till Death Do Us Part A week after his remains were interred in their hometown, Chat took the children for an enjoyable vacation in Hong Kong. In their minds, Marvin was just far away, busy at work. Chat coped by going full-blast at her work. Her friends held her hand, and took her for pampering sessions.
While Gianna and Jari seemed to cope well, continuing to excel in school and active in extra-curricular activities, Gio who was far from okay. From being in the Top Three in his class, he slipped out of the Top Ten. He complained of headaches, stomachaches, every possible ache. The doctors could find nothing wrong, and it seemed Gio was disturbed and begging for attention. One day some months after his father’s death, on the long drive from home to school, Gio began to ask questions. “Matagal na bang maysakit si Papa? Ano’ng sakit niya?” It was like a knife slicing through Chat’s heart. She knew that Gio wanted to know why he was left in the dark about his own father’s condition; why he wasn’t allowed to spend his father’s last days with him.

To love and to cherish Chat has since become more involved with her children. Work has taken a back seat, and Chat opted to work freelance giving her the freedom to decline projects that might take her away from her children too long. Looking back, Chat shares the three biggest lessons she learned from her ordeal.
Money is not everything. Time spent together is much, much more important.
Don’t keep your grief bottled up inside. Seek comfort in the love of your family, your children. No hand is too small to provide warmth.
Show your love more. Because you will meet many men but there will never be another man as smart, as funny, as true to your heart as him.

Today, the Monteagudos are moving on. They live their lives one day at a time and continue to welcome changes in their lives. Chat, Gio, Gianna and Jari sleep well at night, knowing that Marvin is happily watching over them, saying, “Tayo pa rin, ha?”